Don’t Run — Unless You’re the Punchline

 🐾 “Don’t Run — Unless You’re the Punchline”

A Funny Survival Poem for B.C. Wildlife Encounters
By Tina Winterlik aka Zipolita

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🎒 Out for a hike in the woods so grand,
With trail mix, boots, and bear spray in hand,
You think you're alone, just birds in the trees—
But suddenly! Crunch! What rustles the leaves?

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🐻 If it’s a grizzly, huge and brown,

Try not to scream or fall right down.
Lie still, play dead, don’t flail your arms,
Grizzlies don’t like chaos or alarms.

(Pro tip: Act like a log — not a snack.)

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🐻‍❄️ If it’s a black bear, don’t collapse!

Back away slow — no sudden laps.
Get high on a rock or climb a stump,
Wave your arms big — but never jump.

(And never run, unless you wanna be chased!)

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🐆 Now if it's a cougar, sleek and sly,

Don’t look weak and don’t you cry.
Stand up tall, make lots of noise,
You're not their prey — you're not their choice!

(Stare ‘em down. Yell. Look LARGE. Seriously.)

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🐺 If it’s a coyote out for a stroll,

Channel your inner rock ‘n roll.
Yell, stomp, throw — don’t turn your back,
Show them you’re a human snack attack!

(Coyotes hate drama queens — so be one!)

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🐾 Nature is wild and sometimes intense,
But most of it’s fear — not offense.
Don’t feed the bears or tease the moose,
And please — don’t try to make a truce.

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🌲 Know your animals, know what to do,
Respect their space — and they’ll respect you.
Pack smart, walk loud, and don’t forget:
The wild is home… just not your pet.

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